Hello friends, today we're discussing something that came up in last month's blog Reactive Dogs and Why You Shouldn't Praise Them, and that is the concept of your dog having to unlearn their perception of you.
What am I talking about exactly?
In the context of last months post, I was telling you that the reason why I get quicker results with the dogs that I train is because I set the tone from day one. From our very first walk together, every new dog that I meet learns that I am in charge and in the case of nervous and reactive dogs, that I can keep them safe.
Teaching your dog that you are in charge is, in my opinion, the most important thing you can ever do for your relationship with your dog. It is the foundation of good obedience, which in turn keeps them safe, makes your homelife less stressful, your walks more enjoyable and overall, is the cornerstone of a brilliant friendship with your dog.
I said last month that being your dog's best friend isn't doing them a kindness, it's doing them a disservice and in this post I am going to teach you how you can be your dogs best friend without doing them dirty.
Let's get stuck in...
Spoilt Dogs
The thing I see time and time again, is owners who are too soft on their dogs. Please don't get me wrong, I am not one of these owners or trainers who believes that their dog should be under the thumb. I don't use harsh training techniques and the reason why I get such good results with all the dogs that I train is because I work hard to establish a relationship with them that is built on love and respect. I do this by making it very clear what they can and cannot do, what is and isn't allowed and by making them earn my affection; it is not readily available. As a result, all the dogs I work with choose to obey me from that place of love and respect, not out of fear of what will happen if they don't. That's the way I like it.
But I would be lying if I didn't say that this is so much harder when it's your own dog and it's for that very reason that I'm writing this post. I was (and still am) guilty of being way too soft on Barney, my 12 year old Jack Russell, but as a result, I have first hand experience of what you need to do to address the dynamic in your relationship to make it the best it can be.
We're going to overhaul your relationship with your dog and make it so much better for you but it quite simply will not work if you don't follow the advice I am about to lay out for you...
Mine & Barney's Story...
When Barney and I started agility training 11 years ago, he viewed me as his best friend and someone he didn't need to take orders from and in order to address the dynamic I effectively had to wean us both off from each other. This looked like creating some firm boundaries and sticking to them until we saw results, which actually happens really fast because our dogs ultimately want to please us.
Our problem was that Barney had learned that I adored him and would give him anything he wanted because he was my special little guy. Treats, toys, affection, all were unconditional and on tap for him. This meant that he never had to work for anything and as a result, wouldn't listen when I asked him to do something if he thought he had found something better to do. For us, this looked like him getting distracted half way round an agility course and wandering off to check out a good smell. (You might have the same problem with your dogs recall on walks.)
The solution was to stop giving him the things that he wanted without him earning them. No more treats just because he was cute, no more play time every time he asked for it and I had to be strict with myself about the amount of affection I was showering him with.
While it was really hard in those moments of what felt like withholding love from him, it has ultimately made our relationship so much better. He very quickly learned that if he wanted treats, he had to earn them. This meant he was suddenly paying much closer attention to me and was looking for opportunities to do what I asked of him. Treats were now a rarity instead of am easily accessed thing.
1. No More Treats Just For Being Cute
Giving your dog lots of treats at home and outside of training scenarios reduces their value. Consider this, if you have constant access to something you consider a treat, be that chocolate, crisps, or something stronger, receiving it becomes less special. The more often you indulge, the less of a dopamine hit you get each time you receive it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
Well, the same is true in dogs. If you give them constant access to treats (and toys and an ever-flowing stream of love, affection and praise from you), they stop becoming a treat and start becoming part of the furniture. They lose their value as a reward and won't motivate your dog because they're not special anymore. This is why a lot of trainers use higher value treats in more difficult training sessions; something that really excites the dog and makes them want to work for it. And by higher value, I don't mean monetary value, I mean how good your dog thinks it is, ie chicken is a higher value reward than kibble. The rarity and scarcity factor often increases the value of a reward, so keep the best stuff for when you really need it.
So, step 1 in transforming your relationship with your dog is, STOP GIVING THEM TREATS WHEN THEY HAVEN'T EARNED THEM. Even if you can't manage to follow the other advice in this post (and I really hope that you will give it a try), this one change will make the biggest impact on your relationship with your dog.
2. Your Love Is Not Unconditional
Please don't hate me for saying this - it's only partly true.
Of course our love for our dogs is unconditional but during this weaning period (which will be shorter if you follow these steps exactly and don't cave in) you must stop showering your dog with the same level of attention and affection as I know you currently do. Like with the treats, if you're seeking your dog out to give them a cuddle, then they are never going to seek you out for a cuddle. If you're never letting their love cup deplete because you're always telling them what a good boy they are, then they are never going to feel the need to seek affection from you. Like the readily available treats, your love has lost it's value.
I know this is a hard one so I will reiterate that this is only temporary, but you will make this process a thousand times harder than it needs to be if you don't stick to these rules. By not staying strong for a week (yes, it's as quick as that) you will ultimately do more damage to your relationship by confusing your dog and make it harder to fix next time you try.
By being aloof, your dog is going to start missing your attention and affection and is going to do anything to get it back. This means they're going to start listening to you and obeying you - hurray!
3. Don't Initiate Play
Again, I feel terrible for telling you to do this but if your dog has no respect for you then this is one of the key areas in which you can redress the balance in your relationship. Dogs are pack animals and play is a major learning tool for them. By initiating play, you are placing yourself below them in the pecking order. By agreeing to play with them when they ask, you are in control of when play with you takes place.
Play with you should be a reward, just like treats and praise (for some dogs, play is an even greater reward than food or praise) but like any reward, too much of it makes it less rewarding. Keep play sessions shorter than your dog would like so that they keep engaging with you. Playing with your dog until they are bored is going to take that tuggy or ball and turn it from being a reward to just another inanimate object.
Once this weaning period is over, you can play with your dog as much as you like!
4. It's Kinder To Tell Your Dog Something Once, Than To Ask Them Twenty Times
This is something that I tell all my training clients.
Part of being too soft on their dogs almost always includes their tone of voice. They will ask their dog to sit, but their dog is distracted, not listening and not paying attention. So they ask again, in a conversational tone. The dog still isn't listening. This carries on until they started to get agitated (or if I'm watching them, embarrassed) and finally "say it like they mean it". All of a sudden the dog is paying attention and doing as they've been asked, on the tenth time of asking.
It's all about tone. During the weaning period, stop asking and start telling. You don't have to be horrible about it, just be firm. I promise you that once you're through this phase, you can go back to your chatty, conversational tone because your dog will have started doing what you ask, on the first time you ask them.
Say what you mean, mean what you mean, but don't say it mean.
5. Show A United Front / Consistency is Key
Finally, these steps will not work if one half of your couple is not following them. While on the one hand it is going to drastically improve your chances of success (and avoid confusing your dog) if you show a united front, on the other I think it is down right unfair and unkind for one member of the couple to disregard their partner's concern about the animal they share their home with simply because "they don't see it as a problem". It's selfish.
If your partner refuses to follow your new regime that is aimed at improving your relationship with your dog (thereby reducing stress in the home and improving your overall quality of life) then so be it. It is not impossible for one member of the couple to significantly improve their relationship with the dog and establish themselves as being higher in the pecking order whilst the other carries on acting like the dogs friend and peer.
In fact, this is how a lot of my 1:1 training begins as I have a very different relationship with the dog than the owners do. I set the precedent from day one that I am in charge and I go on to develop an excellent rapport with the dog in the coming weeks while the owners struggle to make the necessary changes to see an improvement. It is also why, even after weeks apart, I can take hold of the lead of a dog that is pulling like a train for its owner and the dog instantly stops pulling. My clients think it's magic; I think it's respect.
If your partner refuses to join in this process then don't worry, you can still follow these steps and see an improvement for yourself. It is completely common (although not necessary) for a dog to be better behaved for one of it's owners more than the other.
The Results
You're going to start seeing results very quickly. All dogs are individual but when I start working on this with 1:1 clients, we see results immediately.
The first thing you are going to notice is an improvement in your dogs listening skills and obedience. When they start to see you taking charge, they follow your lead. In the short term, they will start sitting the first time you ask, looking to you for more guidance and their recall will improve. It really is as simple as that.
If you want to, or if your relationship with your dog only needed a little tweak, then you can leave this process here and carry on with your best friend, happy in the knowledge that you can revisit these tips any time you find Rover's listening skills are somewhat lacking.
If your relationship with your dog requires a bit more work (for example, if you're actively seeking out advice and that's how you found this blog) then do stick with this regime for as long as necessary. For nervous, reactive and rescue dogs, the boundaries you set up are your friend and lifeline. These are the dogs who need extra support and guidance and by receiving clear signals from you that tell them:
you are in control
what they can and can't do
they are safe with you
they are going to find their way and grow in confidence far more easily than if you continue to blur the lines between best friend and pack leader.
For you, this isn't going to be a quick fix. Your results are going to emerge more slowly and you will have to persist over a much longer period of time. Owning a nervous, reactive or rescue dog is a pretty much a way of life and if you want to see results, you're going to have to put a lot of work in. These are also the dogs who will be become more confused if you're not consistent in your efforts, just to make things even harder for you. I'm not saying this to put you off, but rather to reassure you that if you've been working hard with your reactive or nervous dog and still don't seem to be getting anywhere, then don't lose hope. It is a slow process but the results will come - you've got this!
If you are the owner of a nervous or reactive dog and haven't read last month's post then please do go back and read it, because understanding why being your dogs best friend isn't doing them any favours is going to revolutionise how you view your relationship with your dog.
It's worth noting that training your dog is not a one-and-done thing, it's for life.
For the most part, once you have your basics the rest is only ever tweaking but there will always be times when something needs a little attention. This isn't because we haven't trained our dogs well in the first place or because they've become disobedient, it's because life happens and we and our dogs are exposed to an array of challenges that impact our attitudes and mould us into the people (dogs are people too) we are today; things like moving house, divorce, new jobs, new babies, grief.
During times like these, and as life moves on in general, we pick up new habits and let old training regimes slip. It's easy to fall into a daily routine of giving the dog a chewy treat to keep him occupied whilst your cooking dinner and then wonder why they've started pestering you every time you go into the kitchen. These things happen and it's no one's fault.
Hopefully, you now feel like you have the power and the knowledge to recognise when your relationship with your dog is less than ideal and feel able to use these steps to course correct. By taking these relatively simple actions, it's easier than you might think to get things back on track so that you can go back to being your dog's best friend again, and isn't that really what we all want?
Forever paws,
Aislinn 🐾
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